Loosen up!

I will never understand why it is that a man who is a man will subject himself willingly to strangulation.

Policemen, military men, hit men, forest rangers and citified men in business suits . . . they all do it, but why in the hell wear a tie? What is it about you guys?

Don’t think I haven’t asked. I have. I’ve asked police chiefs, sheriffs, and military officers, cowboys and white collar workers. “Why do you do it?”

“Because.”

Just because? Really?

So as not to be as ignorant as the men-friends, I Googled the history of neck ties.

Did you realize that  neck ties became a fashion statement during the reign of King Louis XIII who basically copied the idea from Croatian mercenaries? (17th century.)

The only reason historically given for the mercs to wear a tie (neck kerchief, cravat,) was so they could secure their capes  around their necks with a “tie” so the blasted capes wouldn’t fall off their shoulders while fighting, and the king of France spotted their tool and happened to think that this Croatian clothing thingie was something that could be made into a cool new style.Related image

Louis XIII Luís XIII, o rei do país, morre de doença aos 41 anos e é substituído pelo cardeal Mazzarino, pois seu filho Louis XIV era criançaBut it’s now 2017 for crying out loud! Talk about old fashioned. (Can you see me roll my eyes?) I mean, we might as well bring back  platform shoes for men while we’re at it, eh? (Remember the ’70s?) King Louis wore heels. (Get a load of those boots Louis is posing in.) And tights. (Well, men in tights might be sorta nice.)

His neck looks about as strangulated as necks can get. Tell me, does he look comfortable? How long do you suppose he had to stand there day after day while the artist created the painting? Does it look like Louis would be able to think of anything except for how to be free from all his confining attire? If he had an Adam’s apple there is no way it could bob.

Now, don’t get me wrong. My grandpa was a bolero-wearing cowboy of Native American Indian blood. My dad was a military man who had to have his uniform “just so” on a daily basis, including his tie. But oh, poor Daddy! I remember watching him walk in the door and impatiently reach up and loosen his uniforms choking devise.

A man with his neck unfettered, to my mind, must, on the whole, be happier for it and because his brain can absorb more oxygen without tie blockage, that man will be able to think clearer and act faster.

If I were king or President I’d make a law forbidding the wearing of neck ties.

This post was inspired by the Daily Post trigger word: Uniform.

Images I used were found under “free images.” Image on left is King Louis XIII and the image on the right is a Croatian mercenary.

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3 thoughts on “Loosen up!

  1. A terrifically fun piece. But don’t be too successful with your war against ties. I like them and all the manly dress up gear that goes with them. Replaced by bloomers – hopefully not! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Manly dress up gear. I like how you put that. I couldn’t think of anything to write about with the trigger “uniform” and this is what happened. 🙂 Writer’s Block? Not me. 🙂

      Like

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